


Begin Again

by jenjaemrens



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Happy Ending, M/M, Not betad, Sort Of Fluff, past jaemren, slowly falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenjaemrens/pseuds/jenjaemrens
Summary: " Here’s the thing, liking someone isn’t the hard part. Renjun finds that liking someone is easy. He is an artist. He finds it easy to like things because that’s how he paints. Music, nature, and people. It’s easy to like them.It’s the aftermath that’s hard.Falling in love was hard.No, the better word for it would be ‘terrifying’. "
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Past Relationships - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, look at me writing a noren after....god how long has it been?? 2 years?? Idk.  
> but i wanted to try new things so here I am I guess.  
> Anyways, I hope yall like this.  
> thanks.

“I like you. Will you go out with me?”

This wasn’t the first time someone had confessed to Renjun. If he was going, to be honest, then he might as well say that he’s forgotten the exact number of confessions he’s received (Donhyuck would say he’s narcissistic, but he’d say that with a proud smile).

But this confession wasn’t like the other ones.

Renjun looks at Jeno surprised while the other boy waits for his answer with a smile.

He didn’t dislike Jeno. He liked Jeno. A lot. He had been a good friend for the past two years that they’ve known each other. It was just that it wasn’t anything more than that. Besides, Jeno was a popular guy. He was one of the star students of their college. The best upcoming theatre actor that was sure to reach the very top. He didn’t lack admirers. He could have anyone he wanted and here he was.

“Uhh...I mean...uhh...”

“You don’t have to like me very much. I just want you to keep your heart open for me. Let’s get to know each other more.”

Renjun hesitated, but in the end, he couldn’t say no to Jeno’s hopeful smile.

\-------

Renjun met Jeno when they were both 18. His first impression of Jeno was that he was nice, perhaps a bit too nice, and simple. He didn’t expect much from him. He joked, laughed, and smiled. He was a good friend, but Renjun didn’t think much of him. Not until he attended Jeno’s first show. He went to the show with the knowledge that Jeno was selected as the lead actor. He didn’t really have high hopes. Jeno was shy and acting requires a strong will. 

His assumption was proven wrong the moment the curtains lifted and Jeno stepped up. Renjun watched the entire play, awed, maybe even a bit starstruck, as he watched the way Jeno portrayed the character. The way he effortlessly managed to deliver the heart-wrenching lines as he lamented the loss of his love.

Donghyuck had laughed when he saw how Renjun leaned forward eagerly.

“That’s Jeno. He is shy, but the moment he steps on that stage he turns into someone else.” 

He was still Jeno. Even when he was on that stage. He was still the beautiful, kind Jeno, but the difference was that he shined when he was up there. As if he was born to be on that stage.

As if Jeno was meant to be looked at and admired.

\-------

Dating Jeno wasn’t so different from being his friend. He'd still joke around with Renjun. They’d still watch movies together with their friends during the weekends. They’d eat lunch together whenever they could.

There was just... more.

There was the way he’d glance at Renjun after he’d successfully make him laugh, a small, triumphant smile on his face. There was the way he’d sit beside Renjun and pull him closer to him when they’d watch a movie, and they’d end up tangled together on the couch by the end of it. He’d wait for Renjun during lunch hours and reach out to hold his hand, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

And then there was the kissing. So much kissing. Soft pecks on his cheek when they’re with everyone, comforting kisses on his forehead as he reassured Renjun whenever he was stressed about his classes, and then pulling him on top of him, tangling his hands through Renjun’s hair, after everyone had left Renjun’s apartment. 

Renjun can’t say he hated it. On the contrary, he likes it. He likes it very much.

It would be so easy to like Jeno. Not just as a friend but as something more. The way Jeno wanted to, hoped to, be liked by Renjun.

Here’s the thing, liking someone isn’t the hard part. Renjun finds that liking someone is easy. He is an artist. He finds it easy to like things because that’s how he paints. Music, nature, and people. It’s easy to  _ like  _ them.

It’s the aftermath that’s hard. 

Falling in love was hard. 

No, the better word for it would be ‘terrifying’.

\-------

Renjun had fallen in love with soft smiles, bright laughter, and the gentle voice that soothed him whenever he was panicking. He had fallen in love with the one who had been there since he was young. The one who was the closest to what some artists would call a muse.

Jaemin.

For years he’d loved him. He only had eyes for him. He loved his voice, his smile, everything about him. He'd love the way Jaemin spoke of his dreams and his wishes. He’d love the way Jaemin was there for every single competition he’d take part in. He’d love the way Jaemin was there for him, right by his side, his whole life. It felt inevitable to fall for Jaemin. He had him scattered across paintings.

It wasn’t obvious unless you knew what you were looking for. The still painting of wilted roses on a table. A silver bracelet in the mess inside a jeweler box. A boy with pink hair in a crowd of black and gray. An unopened envelope in someone’s hands.

Loving Jaemin was as easy as breathing to him. It felt right. It felt as natural as holding that paintbrush and gliding it over the canvas. 

That’s what Renjun had dreamt of. It’s what he’s been hearing about all his life. Love was about happiness and Jaemin had made him so, so happy. That should have been enough.

Artists must suffer for their art. 

Renjun wonders if he was doomed to suffer this painful love for the rest of his life.

\------

Jeno liked to hear him talk. Whether it was about his paintings, his classes, or even the terrible coffee he had to help him pull all-nighters, he’d listen to him. There were none of the noncommittal hums or nodding his head absentmindedly. Jeno would listen to him intently. He’d offer his opinion when Renjun would ask for it. He'd give him an honest judgment of his works. He’d laugh if Renjun commented about something wryly.

It was different from talking to Chenle. Jeno wasn’t obliged to listen to him like Chenle was because they were bound by years of friendship. There was no reason for Jeno to do that.

Jeno just  _ wanted  _ to.

In return, Jeno would offer pieces of his own story. His childhood, his high school, his family, his friends, and acting. How he started it. Why he loves it. 

It was little things and also things that were important. But he’d tell them to Renjun. 

They’d talk for hours about everything and nothing.

About things, Renjun realizes, that he has never spoken about to Jaemin.

\------

Date nights were spontaneous. Sometimes, they’d plan them days ahead. They’d go to nice places and they’d take turns to pay for it that night. Later on, they’d either drift when Jeno walks him to his apartment, or he’d pull Jeno with him and close the door behind them. The latter happening more and more often nowadays. Sometimes, he’d be home, reading on his bed and he’d hear a knock on the door and he’d walk over, confused, and open the door to see Jeno grinning and holding a bag.

Renjun would sit on top of the counter and watch as Jeno expertly move around the kitchen, sometimes humming and other times talking about the day. Jeno would explain the process of making whatever he was cooking for the night and right before the food was done, he’d look behind and ask Renjun to set up the table for them. 

They’d swap the roles for cleaning up. They’d be cleaned by Renjun following Renjun joining Jeno on the couch with two cups of hot drink.

But they’d stay together. In the kitchen, during dinner, afterward on the couch, and later on the bed.

\-----

There were things about Jeno that Renjun learned. Jeno was allergic to cats, but he had three of his own. Jeno had to wear glasses but he didn’t wear them often. He was a great dancer, and he’d be one if he weren’t interested in acting. He mumbled incoherent things in his sleep and often called out Renjun during such times. Jeno liked it when Renjun laughed because of something he said. His eyes would crinkle and he’d have that beautiful smile on his face that would make Renjun want to pull him close and kiss him until their lungs would burn with the need for oxygen.

Jeno would be quiet when he was sad. Be it for a bad day at class or an audition he feels like he messed up. He would smile, but Renjun could tell it was fake.

On those days, Renjun would paint for him. He’d sit him down on a chair and paint for him. Or draw. Anything to help Jeno feel better. 

It was okay. He liked it. He liked doing things that would make Jeno smile. He liked knowing the parts of him that others were unaware of. 

Parts that were only meant for Renjun to see.

\--------

Jeno had been ecstatic when Renjun had asked if he’d like to accompany him for the week break they’d gotten. He had smiled so brightly that it almost hurt to look at him, but Renjun couldn’t turn away from him. It made him happy to see Jeno happy. It made his heart beat faster when Jeno picked him up and spun him around, so joyful due to such a little thing.

The visit home was a brief visit but it was a pleasant one. Jeno was so endearing that his mother had fallen in love with him only moments after the introduction. He walked around the town with Renjun and asked him about everything. He seemed to have fun.

It was fun. Up until Renjun met with people who asked about  _ him.  _ It was hard to fake a smile and pretend. It was harder to walk past his old school and not think about the past. 

It was so hard to be here again and walk past places that held so many memories with someone who was still so dear and precious to him. At times, he’d look beside him, expecting someone else, almost calling out another name, but Jeno stood there. Every single time.

Jeno never asked. He knew. Renjun was aware he knew. But he never poked or prodded. He listened patiently with a smile. 

Jeno was always beside him. Jeno always holds him. 

\------

It was terrible seeing him again. When he looked at Renjun and he smiled that soft, sunshine smile that always left Renjun feeling like someone had just sucker-punched him. It was when he ran up to him and hug him tightly. It was watching him act as if he never left Renjun behind.

As if he didn’t stomp on his heart and shatter it into a million pieces.

Hearing him talk about the new life he had, his movies, the people he met, felt like someone was stabbing him over and over again. Jaemin had left. He didn’t think he could achieve his dreams and have Renjun. 

_ He had left. _

And this person in front of him... Renjun didn’t know him. He didn’t know that smile on his face. He didn’t recognize the voice. He didn’t recognize his eyes anymore. They had all changed. This was not the boy he fell in love with.

That was the worst of it. 

Afterward, as he walked home, he didn’t realize he was crying. Not until he feels someone wrap their arms around him.

“It’s okay.” Jeno whispers.

“I..”

“It’s okay, Renjun. We’re alone. You don’t have to pretend.”

That makes him cry harder.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. Why are you apologizing? It’s okay to cry over love.”

Jeno walks him home. 

He helps him get to bed and kissed him on his cheek. 

He left after.

Renjun was tempted to ask him to stay. He knows Jeno would have.

He didn’t.

\---------

“Why are you still with me?” 

“Do you not want me to be with you?”

They’d gone back to being normal. Jeno still walked him to class. They’d still go on dates. Jeno stayed with him. He didn’t act differently with Renjun as if he was some fragile doll that needed care. Renjun was thankful for that.

But he just didn’t get it.

“I mean... most people would just leave.”

“I’m not most people Huang Renjun.” A smirk and a wink. “I’m special.”

“I mean that-”

“Because I like you a lot. And being with you makes me happy.”

“Even when..”

“Even when I know that you like someone else? Yes. I believe that we can fall over and over again regardless of how many times we are hurt. This time I want you to fall for me.”

“...You’re kind of stupid, aren’t you?”

A laugh. “Donghyuck says that as well. Is that a bad thing?”

Renjun answers a moment later. “No, it’s not.”

\------

It’s not a bad thing at all.

\-----

Renjun had woken up earlier than usual that morning. He turned over to look at Jeno, who laid on his side, mouth slightly ajar, probably even drooling, his dark hair messily sprawled on the white pillow. Renjun reaches out to trace his cheeks and eyes. 

He was so beautiful. He was the kind of beautiful you’d read in books. The tall, dark, beautiful boy seemed cold but had a heart of gold. Renjun couldn’t fault others for falling for him. He seemed like a prince in real life.

He made Renjun’s heart hurt.

When the sunshine peaked in through the curtains and the alarm rang, Jeno slowly woke up. He blinked and groaned. He slowly opened his eyes and sees Renjun.

Then he smiles.

Renjun’s heart stutters.

Oh.

\------

“I think I like you.”

It was another one of those spontaneous date nights where Jeno just barged in and moved around his kitchen like it was his own. Renjun sat on top of the counter as he watched him move. Sat and watched until the words bubbled out of his lips as if he couldn’t hold them inside anymore.

Jeno stops chopping and looks at him.

“What?”

“I think...no, I like you. I definitely like you. More than a friend if I wasn’t being clear.”

Jeno studies him for a few seconds before turning back to the carrots he was chopping up.

“What makes you think so?”

“Because I look at you and it makes me happy. Because now when I wake up, you’re the first person I think of. Because now, I want to hear your voice all the time. See your smile. I want to kiss you over and over again. I want all of you, Jeno.”

Jeno puts the knife away and steps towards the sink. Renjun waits as he washes his hand before he walks towards Renjun.

“I’m telling you Huang Renjun,” He says calmly. “You can’t take that back. You said it now so don’t expect that I’ll let you go.”

That makes Renjun laugh. Perhaps he was tearing up too. Perhaps it was relief that made him feel like he wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously.

He pulls Jeno closer and kisses him.

Softly. 

Lazily.

As if they had time. 

Because they did.

They had all the time now. Days, weeks, and years.

“Please don’t let go of me.”

\-----

“I wanna paint you.”

“Oh?”

“Hmm.”

“Right now?”

“Maybe later. And then after again. And more paintings.”

“Of me?” Laugh.

“Yes. You’re beautiful. And I want that. I want everyone to see you’re mine.”

“Whatever you want, darling. Whatever you want.”

**Author's Note:**

> my [twitter](https://twitter.com/sakuatsucafe) is not much nct but books and anime but if yall wanna talk to me please come along


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